You know the feeling, that reminds you of walking into a dark collapsed tunnel that has that familiar feeling of your better run bitch, but you see no escape, and your feet are frozen in time. That is the best description I can think of when it comes to how I felt when I had those feelings of hopelessness. I felt like I would just be a disappointment so what was the point? It was like a trap. The more I felt hopeless the more negative thoughts I had, which must have only proved myself right so, I am just a failure and on and on in a vicious cycle.
That was me in a nutshell. Totally dysfunctional behavior. It’s a direct reflection of the outcome square that we discuss in our
Thoughts, Feelings, Behaviors Triangle? post. For this post, I wanted to focus specifically on that feeling, and the idea, that feelings of hopelessness can be overcome.
Thoughts on Hopelessness
First, let’s look at hopelessness and some of the research behind it. In various studies, hopelessness has been tied to depression and suicide, it is a serious feeling of despair. So serious a scale was developed to measure enthusiasm, motivational tendencies, and propensity for negative or positive behaviors. If you want to know more about the scale click here to link to the Beck Hopelessness Scale.
Some examples of hopelessness include.
- What’s the point?
- Why bother?
- I cannot get motivated!
- Life sucks, seems like I cannot get ahead.
- Just going to disappoint you anyway.
While most of us can experience hopelessness and will at some point in our lives, it may be intermittent or develop over time and present as one big nasty beast; having the tools to understand it, cope with it, and change the direction of your thoughts to overcome it, is life-changing.
On the flip side, just accepting your feelings and thoughts about where you are and what is causing your hopelessness can be very unhealthy. Hopelessness is linked to the likelihood of depression which, according to a 2008 study by the World Health Organization depression is the leading cause of disease burden for women in all low, middle, and high-income countries.
With this information, you may be thinking okay this is me and I am picking up what you’re throwing down, how do I get out of this funk? What can I do?
Contributing Factors of Hopelessness
Let’s look at an example from earlier.
Why bother?
- I am going to be late again! Why bother going? I am just going to get in trouble and I already lied to myself because I hit snooze on my alarm clock. I should just try again tomorrow but I doubt it will matter.
In this example, can you tell what happened?
- Thought, Late again
- Emotion, disappointment
- Behavior, hopeless thoughts, and negative reaction
- The outcome, I just told myself I am a liar, and I should try again tomorrow because today I am a disappointment.
Can you see why I might have feelings of hopelessness?
The whole experience is negative, my mindset is negative and I feel totally defeated by the day. It’s only 6 am, how do you think my day will go?
Technically, any experience is defined in dimensions of responses, and digging into it can be related back to your mindset.
- internalizing or externalizing the negative event
- belief – that is stable or unstable
- perspective – global or specific
What is Happening
Back to our example:
One’s response to the negative event was
(Internal) blames ones self
Why bother going? I am just going to get in trouble and I already lied to myself because I hit snooze on my alarm clock
(Stable) believes it will never change
I should just try again tomorrow
(Global) negatively affects all other time encounters
I doubt it will matter
How could you turn this around to be a more healthy response?
(External) sees an opportunity
The alarm tone needs to be something else.
(Unstable) the individual event brought on by some other factor
I should hurry and get ready and try not to be any later
(Specific) an uncharacteristic and isolated event
Glad this doesn’t happen all the time!
Which interaction would you be more hopeful with?
I would say the latter, not only because of the positive interaction within myself when posed with a negative event but also the mindset shift one has when one can have a bad 5 minutes that didn’t ruin their whole day.
Core Beliefs
So far we have identified thoughts of hopelessness and how these change our behaviors and interactions. You probably are on the edge of your chair wondering, now that I know all about these interactions and thoughts how the hell does it help me change them?
Great question, I would add!
For one we need to understand that the brain is malleable and rewireable. Think of your brain as a whole as compared to say your favorite cookie recipe. Every ingredient is perfectly dosed and mixed the oven is ready you cannot wait to get that hot gooey delicious cookie and eat it.
Then the unthinkable happens, something against every fiber of your being. Your aunt stops in and adds extra spice. NOOOOOOO are you Fucking kidding me?!?!?
But wait, it smells really really good!
And there you have it, just a small change, and your cookies taste even more amazing!
Your brain can be changed just as easily, you just have to understand it can, and believe it. I mean really believe it until it is the new core of your belief system.
Core beliefs, this is a huge part of changing the way you think and will take some effort on your part.
We need to uncover those unconscious autopilot beliefs engrained into your brain starting at birth and moving through your life.
- Get a notebook or journal and every time you catch yourself with a negative hopeless thought, write it down, then write down what you thought before the feeling
- Leave room under that thought.
- Then rewrite it. Write it to match how you would react if you were in the healthier dimension and it was only a bad 5 minutes
- Are you noticing a pattern? Something you do without thinking then you start getting those feelings and emotions of hopelessness?
- Once you have identified it, you can change your thought about it.
You have the power to change your perspective.
Feelings/Emotions
Something to take note of is your feelings. You’re going to start noticing a shift in your perspective. This is expected because your beliefs are changing and so are your feelings and emotions. You will start feeling hopeful again! Empowered!
Why is this? Because your feelings are driven by your thoughts, and your thoughts are based on your beliefs, they are changing, driving you in another direction.
Expectations
The most challenging work you should expect is to uncover those beliefs. To break them down and start thinking differently. Do the work and set yourself free from those feelings, those beliefs, and those ideas that are holding you back.
Remember, you are more than you believe. The hopelessness and feelings you are experiencing are your perspectives. Shift that shit, write it down and then move the fuck on with your amazing day because you are fucking amazing and deserve to feel like it!