You’re so sick of yourself! You have been thinking, and trying, and reading and doing everything you can but you still find yourself in the same damn boat every time. You are constantly screwing yourself over and keep asking yourself why? What is causing your procrastination, self-sabotage, and your spinning out-of-control life? Get it together already!
Stop Sabotaging Yourself
You have this overwhelming desire to succeed, but seem to always screw yourself over?
Maybe this is an example you can relate to, you find you are getting complimented on your work and now there are these scary expectations from yourself and/or your employer and you have huge goals to hit, and then it happens.
You start those age-old behaviors engrained in your fixed mindset, your core beliefs. Self-sabotage at its finest, first you are late to work, then you start that negative thought process it spills over into your personal life and there you are again, spinning out of control.
STOP doing that to yourself!
How, you say?
Take into account the work of Dr. Carol Dweck, her growth mindset theory focuses on people of all ages, and has proven if you have this growth mindset and the willingness to do hard things and stick to them, you will learn, grow, succeed, and overcome the emotions and thoughts that lead you to sabotage yourself.
Self Sabotaging Thoughts
Understanding your thoughts and behaviors and knowing what is triggering these thoughts and actions is a key step to the process in overcoming them. Self-sabotaging thoughts could range and be combined for example:
- Negative self talk
- Words that begin with I hate my….. I can’t……. I suck…….
- Irrational thinking and behaviors
- For example, I may as well give up, I am a disappointment anyway, or I will probably just disappoint you so I will go do this instead of the thing I need to do. Also referred to as procrastination.
- Lack of confidence
- You feel shy and unwilling to put your thoughts out there. You would rather just sit back and watch, your slumping and shoulders sink and you may experience pain from the way you’re holding yourself.
- Internal and External Conflict
- You are just plain sick of yourself, you know you can do and be better but feel hopeless and like you shouldn’t even try.
- Anger
- You show anger and aggression towards yourself, and the people you care about and the way you interact is guarded and untrustworthy
- Anxiety
- You feel anxious and worried, your chest is tight, your heart hurts, it’s like a crushing feeling and you are scared to make any changes as you think they will make it worse.
These thoughts all lead to those self-sabotaging actions and behaviors, get you fired from your job, break up your relationship, crash your happiness and bring doom to your life thoughts. The thoughts YOU CAN CHANGE!
Why Mindset Matters
Mindset matters because you have the power to change it. You can see the world from another perspective, you’re fluid and malleable and in a constant state of change, like water; frozen, liquid, and gas all constantly changing states of the same matter.
How? Well first off you need to know you can rewire your brain’s neuroanatomy. Understand your brain is fluid and can transform and rewire. In fact, it is as you are reading this article! Its called brain plasticity.
One example I love to refer to is the rewiring of Ronda Rousey’s brain. She suffered a lack of oxygen at birth and talks about her struggles and how she didn’t speak until the age of 5 in her book My Fight/ Your Fight.
She discusses various brain research that has identified there are certain regions of the brain that are known for certain processing such as the area where speech comes from. Her brain is essentially rewired, and her speech comes from an entirely different region than most humans.
Ronda’s case is one of the more publicly known cases but then what about all of us? What proves this would even be possible for us? Refer back to Dr. Carol Dweck and her research into several different cultures, groups, and individuals. She has proven time and time again that changing your fixed mindset to a growth mindset changes you.
Fixed versus Growth Mindset
So you are telling me there is a way to change?
YES, that is what I am saying, you CAN change! You can grow and you can stop that fixed mindset.
The one telling you, you are only as smart as you are, the one saying you can not possibly learn anything new. That mindset causing your procrastination, self-sabotage, and your spinning out of control life!
Upgrade your mindset! Believe in yourself, and rewire your brain.
Start developing your skills through rational thinking techniques. Identify what is holding you back, and underlying beliefs . Start thinking positively, for every negative thing you think find three positives to replace them. Start saying thank you instead of I am sorry.
Understand there is nothing holding you back but you!
Overcoming Self Sabotage
Overcoming the fixed mindset opens up so many doors and opportunities and allows you to grow and create and explore. Change your personality and even the motivations and actions that drive your existence. You just have to be willing to accept there is more to learn and anyone can do it, including you.